


Be okay

by Bananagrump



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Aftermath, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananagrump/pseuds/Bananagrump
Summary: Reno struggles with guilt, Rude Attempts to comfort him.
Relationships: Reno & Rude (Compilation of FFVII), Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Kudos: 11





	Be okay

Reno dug his hand in the pocket of his suit coat and fished out his lighter, taking a cigarette out from his half empty pack and putting it between his teeth to light it. He pulled, inhaling slowly for a few seconds and holding it in deeply, feeling his nerves calming as the much needed nicotine hit his system. He sighed rather than exhaled and a large plume of smoke escaped his lungs and exited his mouth. The stress of caring for an injured Rufus, as well as worrying about the restoration project, had him feeling more than overwhelmed and his usual playful disposition seemed to slowly dissipate as the days went by. He hated himself right now. He hated what they had done, that they had taken so many lives and changed the course of life for so many people. His head was screaming at him, loudly repeating that he was responsible for the destruction of Midgar. At least it was quiet at Healin, especially now at nearly one in the morning.  
He inhaled on his cigarette again, but exhaled prematurely as a cold gust of wind blew past him, making him shiver. He suddenly heard the door quietly open and then close, feet shuffling gently towards him. “What’s going on?” Reno smiled half heartedly as Rude came to stand beside him. He lifted his cigarette to his lips again and inhaled slowly, “nothing. Why do you ask?” Smoke brushed past his lips in slow wafts as he spoke, floating and lifting into the cool night air before disappearing. “You’re out here, smoking, at one a.m.” Rude spoke gently as he placed a large, calming hand on the other’s shoulder. Reno sighed and turned to face him. “Just wasn’t expecting any of this.” Rude took the pack out of his hand, knowing Reno wouldn’t mind, and pulled a cigarette out for himself. “This?” He asked as Reno handed him his lighter. Rude only ever smoked at times like this, when he thought Reno needed some company and the red haired man already had one lit for himself. Reno did enjoy the company, he almost always enjoyed the warmth and comfort the other man’s presence provided. But at this moment, it only added to the antsy feeling buzzing under his skin.  
“All of this. Everything that’s happened.” Reno sighed again, sounding completely disheartened, and took another long drag. Rude lit his cigarette, pocketed the pack, and handed the lighter back as he inhaled. “Is it really everything that happened, or is it the part we played in it?” Reno flinched, it was at times like this, when Reno was avoiding any introspective bullshit, that he did not enjoy Rude’s company at all. “What are you trying to say?” Now it was Rude’s turn to flinch, the bite in Reno’s words making him regret asking. Cautiously, he asked “Are you feeling guilty?”  
Reno wanted to feel angry at that, but he really was feeling guilty so it didn’t seem like his anger would’ve been genuine. Something about the two of them that made them such a great pair for the most part, (sometimes it was the worst and most explosive partnership because of it), was the fact that they both were completely and totally honest with each other. Even if that honestly took a little nudging to pull out of each other.  
“Of course I’m feeling guilty. I know I’ve done a lot of bad shit -we all have-but fucking hell, Rude, do you realize how many people died?” Rude once again placed his hand on Reno’s shoulder. “That wasn’t our fault, Reno.” Reno took a step back, sharply pulling his shoulder out of the other man’s grip. “What the hell do you mean it wasn’t our fault?” He hissed. Rude kept his demeanor calm as he inhaled again. He blew the smoke out of his mouth before he spoke, “we were ordered. And it wasn’t just us who destroyed Midgar.” Reno angrily inhaled, “we were the ones who executed the order. We were the ones who brought down the plate. We were the ones who crushed an entire sector.”  
“Reno, we’ve killed plenty of times before. And you had no problem with it. In fact, you’ve seemed to really enjoy your job as a Turk.” Reno looked down at his feet. “This is so different, Rude. So different. The people I killed were a threat to the President’s life. The people I killed were terrorists, I was killing them for the good of everyone. But all those people? They were innocent. They weren’t terrorists. We were.” Rude let out a frustrated breath. “It’s just like you to make excuses for yourself and then wallow in self pity and regret.”  
Reno glared at him, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “I know you don’t want to hear this, but we made the decisions we made. That can’t be taken back. You’re sitting here letting grief and regret eat you up inside. We can’t change what we did.” He took a step closer to Reno and gripped his free hand, and when he spoke again his voice was much softer. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to sound condescending or make it seem like I was judging you. I feel guilty as well. Feel what you must, I don’t want to invalidate that. But, Reno, don’t let it paralyze you or take away any part of you that makes you who you are.” Reno looked up at him, his brows knitting together in confusion, and Rude smiled softly, one that made crinkles at the edges of his eyes and made the lines that had already formed there deeper. Reno loved it when he wasn’t wearing his shades and smiled like that. “I see that look,” Rude started. “Just like I’ve been able to see that you aren’t yourself anymore. I don’t want you to focus so much on what has been done that you aren’t you anymore.” Reno squeezed the hand that gripped his own and looked down at his feet once more. “I just... who I am is part of the problem. I know I’m loyal, I’ve prided myself on that, but I’ve been too loyal. I voiced my hesitation before we brought down the plate, but I didn’t let that hesitation stop me from following orders. I did it anyway.” Rude placed his fingers under Reno’s chin and tilted his face up to look at him. He still wore that gentle smile. “Who you are has never been a problem. Who you are isn’t defined by mistakes that you’ve made. But it will be defined by the decisions you make from here. Who do you want to be, Reno?”  
Reno thought on this question for a few moments before he smiled back. Softly, maybe even a little sadly, but his smile seemed brighter again. A little more like himself. “I want to be someone you can be proud of. I want to be someone I can be proud of. I want to protect those I love and continue to be loyal. But I also want to have the strength to stand up and say ‘no. I won’t do that.’ I want to be someone who can keep everyone safe and make things better again.” Rude pulled Reno into a hug, tangling his fingers in the red hair that had been let down for the night. “You can be that person. Don’t let regret keep you from it. We can make things better. We can make up for what we’ve done. Let yourself move on.”  
Reno buried his face into Rude’s shoulder and began crying. “Thank you. For making me hear what I didn’t want to. And for saying what you didn’t have to.”  
Rude smiled again as he leaned his head onto the other man’s. “I’m always here for you, Reno.”


End file.
